Okay, this may seem like the Noob of all Noob questions, but I'm stumped. This is the first PPC phone that I've had. Does the XV6700 have a sim card like traditional cell phones? If so, where is it?

I looked under the battery & didn't see anything. I feel like such a dork because I don't know this.

There's no SIM card in your XV6700 (or any other Verizon phones for that matter). Verizon and Sprint phones operate on CDMA networks, and don't use SIM cards. Those are used on GSM networks (Cingular, T-Mobile, etc).