Thanks to superdave for figuring this out. Thanks to Cr0n_J0b for documenting so thoroughly. Here's a couple of things that occur to me, someone maybe not as skilled as everyone else on the thread:

1. This is a good thing to do right after upgrading. If you upgrade and do any sort of customization, setting up, etc., you will lose it (as Dave warns). I recommend doing this right before you follow mrailing's setup instructions for wm5
2. You know how you're not supposed to use a USB hub? Dude, it turns out those USB ports on your laptop docking station are considered to be on a hub!
3. If you're like me, you don't have any fancy aftermarket cables for your phone that allow you to reboot it while hooked up. This means that you are doomed to the paperclip solution! Bend a paperclip to hook it in around the cradle into the phone to be able to press the reset button when necessary. This takes some fiddling. Another fun fact: you must have the power disconnected from the cradle while doing this, or else you can't reboot and get into emergency mode.
4. The threatening message about checking your USB port is to scare away the lilly-livered. PST seems to choose the right USB port.
5. Be prepared to try a few times. It's pretty hard to do this on the first try.

Jed